Stephen Roberts checks out Chile. As in Chil-ee. Not to be confused with Adrian 'I wish I was chiselled like Frank Lampard' Chile...s

General Augusto Pinochet once said "I regret and suffer those losses, but it's God's will. He will pardon me if I committed excesses, but I don't think I did." Admittedly believing him is a bit of a chore. The man managed to plunder $28million during his reign as the Chilean non-dictator, which coincidentally, is the same figure that Lazio forked out to ship Marcelo Salas over from River Plate. You do the math. Comrades, without further ado, we give you ToePoke's guide to the world's third largest exporter of copper.

Chile
80/1 (Ladbrokes)

Nickname...
La Roja

How they qualified...
Finishing a comfortable second behind the Samba lads in the CONMEBOL group. Qualification brought a couple (not as exciting as you'd hope) firsts. Securing their first ever point against Uruguay in Montevideo, and then twice registering their worst ever defeat at home with 3-0 reverses versus Brazil and Paraguay. Is it possible to do a first twice? No. That in itself is a first...
 
Commentators are most likely to bang on about...
Insert the usual 'spicy encounter', or what about a blistering shot which is 'too hot to handle'. They'll probably hold some sort of Salas/Zamorano love-in and we won't complain. The latter's 1+8 shirt effort at Inter was nothing short of...bollocks. Expect reference to the country's climate. For some reason it still astounds folk that the north is a dry as a dodo's diaper, and the south, as wet as a warthog's backside. Yes, that was the Lion King himself. Scar!

Players you'll have heard of...
There's West Brom's defender Gonzalo Jara, who, well frankly, we know sod-all about except that he looks like the fella who runs our local Tandoori. Humberto Suazo deserves a mention, outscoring Brazil's Luis Fabiano in the goalscorers charts in qualifying. Finally, remember Mark Gonzalez? The bloke who Liverpool waited 7.3 million years to get a work permit for only for him to be crap? Aye, the one who sported a red stripe through his barnet making him look like a sinister Pépé le Pew. Well he's now plying his trade at CSKA Moscow and this screamer is certainly something Liverpool fans didn't ever see.

A player you can pretend to know...
Waldo Ponce. I'd like to say that he was a marauding left-back with a left foot that could open a tin of beans but I'd be giving you the Pinochet treatment (lying). A journeyman defender who had a short stint at Wolfsburg before heading home to Chile. His appearance here is largely due to his comedic surname. And it also makes us think we should probably think about growing up a bit.
 
Mental Manager rating...
Jackpot! Enter Marcelo 'El Loco' Bielsa. Described by former Argentina captain Roberto Ayala, as an 'innovator'. Now, we've all peroused the Jamie Walker ToePoke Mentals Dictionary, or the Mentalnary for those word-compounding fans amongst you, and it's plain to see that 'innovator' is really code for 'there's a moose, loose, aboot this hoose.' El Loco has been known to measure the pitch to determine which formation to employ...hang on, he might be onto something there.
 
Chances of hooliganism...
In Chilean culture, it's considered extremely rude to pour wine with the left hand. So there's a potential clash with England fans if they don't buy into the concept of international drinking rules...

If they were a celeb they'd be...
Lesley Garrett. They bloody love national anthems. (Watch this clip until the end, you will not be disappointed. We heart Zamorano.)
 
How we reckon they'll do...
Unfortunately they'll probably encounter either the Ivory Coast or Portugal in the second round. That's where we'll say Sayonara Gonzalo Jara.