Iain Dowie was chuffed to bits with his first ever trophy...

Part two of our seasonal awards round-up. Enjoy...

Did you miss the first part to our painstakingly researched ToePoke End of Season Awards? Then catch up here, we've no time for stragglers. And once you're done, come back, for you won't see who else is deserving of one of our metaphorical prizes. That's right Iain, metaphorical. So don't get in touch for a much-sought after piece of silverware, you're getting nowt from us, ok Dowie?

The 'dear God, he gets paid to write this shit' award:

As ever, there are a few candidates for this much-cherished award, with ourselves only omitted because we don't get a bean for doing this. Piers Morgan, on the other hand, probably commanded quite a fee from the Daily Mail for this piece predicting that Liverpool would win the title, Man Utd would finish outside of the top two, West Ham would be the "most entertaining team to watch", Spurs would finish mid-table and, brilliantly, "Portsmouth will be absolutely fine. I know the guy who is buying them, Sulaiman Al-Fahim, and he is not only a very serious businessman, he’s also stinking rich. So relax, Pompey fans." Nice one, Piers.

The 'what will they think of next?' award:

So then, Robin 'six games a season' Van Persie, how did that miracle horse placenta cure go? Next year - Derek Acorah cures Pepe Reina's piles.

The 'we've just slipped into a hot tub time machine' award:

The prize is shared this year, between an angry young Millwall fan and an even angrier Bobby, who engaged with each other in such a manner (see it here) that we thought we'd gone back to the eighties. Or were watching a shit Danny Dyer movie. Which is pretty much any Danny Dyer movie...

The 'does anyone other than ToePoke and Phil Thompson use this term?' best Worldy award:

Despite some absolute bimmers from Messi, Maicon and this ace double overhead kick effort, we're yet to see anything quite as audaciously brilliant as this futsal goal by Kenan Rathinho back in February. It's like watching Carlton Palmer...

The 'no shit Sherlock, Columbo, Ironside and Quincy' award:

Must go to the English press for breaking the news that John Terry happens to be an utter cretin. What took you all so long?

The 'Iain Dowie annual Premier League capitulation, humiliation and relegation' award:

Er, Iain Dowie's Hull City, funnily enough. But we could've told you that months ago. Oh, hang on, we did.

The 'Henrik Larsson international retirement U-turn when a World Cup comes along' award:

Step forward Jamie Carragher. Not only did he manage an England recall following a season in which he even struggled to get goalside of an inflatable object, but he achieved it only five months after telling everyone who would listen why he was so right about turning down his country. Twice. We bet Chris "England B not for me" Sutton is waiting by the phone...

The 'It was the Sun wot won it influence on politics' award:

“I watched the Budget and obviously this tax hike is a big concern for me and other footballers. After everything that has happened with the economy we need a change of direction, so I’ll vote Tory.” No wonder Stoke's James Beattie couldn't score in a crack den this season, he was too worried about the 50p tax rate...

The 'thank god the Internet was invented' award:

Apart from one obvious little blog you'd all be missing out on if some bespectacled boffins hadn't changed the world with a load of wires, we'd also be robbed of wonderful creative efforts like this. Imagine an existence without a portrayal of Steven Gerrard as Biff Tannen?


Have we missed something out? Do you really care so much as to want to tell us about it? Well, fair enough, you can email us here toepoke.net@gmail.com or reach us on Twitter @ToePokeNet.