Saltergate's season ticket holders were shocked at the price hike for next season...

Warning: this is batshit

Do you, like us, ever imagine what football would be like if, say, David Lynch or Terry Gilliam were allowed to direct one game a season?

No?

Well let us do it for you. We reckon it'd be set in a tiny little rickety ground that hasn't changed since 1970, with eerie unnecessary pitch invasions featuring hundreds of fans dressed like extras from the League of Gentleman, including a free-wheeling disabled wheelchair user making an on-pitch escape from his long-time minder.

Then, said minder - who would resemble a weird cross-breed of Mick McCarthy, Father Jack Hackett and Les Battersby - would run on to the pitch and chide the wheelchair-bound chap by spinning him round aggressively, before clipping him harshly round the head. All the while hundreds of mentals run onto the pitch as if enjoying a day out at Disneyland.

And this would all happen, simply because the team in question finished only eighth. Now wouldn't that be great?

Course it ruddy would. So imagine our delight and amusement when we saw these scenes at Chesterfield's Saltergate Recreation Ground last weekend - see from 32 seconds in the video below...

In. Sane.