"Hey Puffy, Barry and Paul have just arrived..."

Pappy, Puffy, pee dee, papa diddy pap...whatever his sodding name is, he wants to buy Palace. Which allows Jamie Walker to dream...

When P.Diddy told us “It’s all about the Benjamins”, we all assumed that this was a reference to the frivolous, Bacchanalian lifestyle we have come to expect from your average hip-hopper. Cars, women, overpriced wine - three essential ingredients to prove you’ve made it in the rap game.

Should he go ahead with his purchase of Crystal Palace, ‘Puffy’ should find all three in the abundance in the glamorous surrounds of South London. You can’t walk out of Oddbins on Clapham High Street, an extortionate £3.50 worth of Lambrini in hand, without seeing scores of ‘Croydon Facelifts’ and burnt out cars.

Still, perhaps Mr.Diddy will bring a shot of glamour to the area. He might even host his notorious ‘White Party’ in Selhurst Park. Come to think of it, that’s a brilliant idea, at least for the opportunity to see football’s favourite beta-man, Paul Hart, rubbing shoulders with New York socialites.

That is, whilst serving the Cristal and shrimp cocktail. He could even invite other footballing celebs. And seeing as Palace are on course for relegation, what with the administration penalty, those celebs could include Rotherham’s finest; the Chuckle Brothers. I hope that Rotherham can sustain their playoff push more than anything in the world. I know it’s didactic, but you should too. Think of the possibilities...