Look at what you could've had Florentino - for the next 76,923 years...

Jamie Walker talks us through the Real president's expenditure...

Real Madrid, having spent a figure somewhere close to a quarter of a billion pounds on transfers in the summer, are in a state of turmoil having been dumped out of the Champions League at the quarter finals stage for the sixth year in a row. Though the return of Florentino Perez was supposed to herald Los Nuevos Galacticos, everyone forgot, Florentino included, how badly the plan flopped the first time around.

Last night, Madrid looked like a team wholly unbalanced. Yes, £14 million pounds worth of Xabi Alonso was missing, but that’s still roughly £234 million at coach Manuel Pellegrini’s disposal. To put this into context, Chester City ceased to exist yesterday as a result of an unpaid tax bill amounting to £26,500. That’s 0.01% of Madrid’s outlay on Kaka, Ronaldo et al. So, without making a point using the now clichéd MasterCard rubric, what follows is a list of things £250 million pounds can be spent on...

• One year’s Gross Domestic Product for the country of Fiji (cost: £238 million)
• 10% of a Large Hadron Collider (£250 million)
• 330 Bugatti Veyrons (£247.5 million)
• 5 Billion Mars Bars (£250 million)
• Sending the entire town of Altrincham, Greater Manchester, on a 1st Class round-the-world cruise - with complimentary breakfast. (£250 million)
• Hiring Ian Scott, one of the UK’s top three Neil Diamond tribute acts, to play a gig every day of the year, for the next 76,923 years (£248 million)

... So there you have it. If you happen to be the son of a Spanish construction magnate, Oligarch, or fit into the upper echelons of the mega-rich, please spend your pocket money wisely. Alternatively, if you want to book Ian Scott, Neil Diamond tribute act, you can find him here...