"Pass me that copy of Escort, there is a good article in it about naked women and snooker"

David Sullivan looks like a knob on telly. Again.

*(For those who don't keep up with annoying, frat-boy vocab from the US, this means getting the piss taken out of you)

West Ham's new owner, David Sullivan, is a bit of a ToePoke favourite. Well actually, he's only appeared once, when we noticed he wore a Hugh Heffner style smoking jacket at the press conference when he took over the club. Like Heffner, Sullivan made his millions producing vile pornographic smut, which has no place in a civilised society. Some teenage boys got so addicted to this filth that their poor mums had to change their sheets using a toffee hammer.

In saying that, some of the photos of naked women playing snooker were quite tastefully done. And at least it gave a young chap the chance to be king for the day when he was congratulated by his spotty friends for working up the courage to purchase an issue of Escort from the all night garage. Kids these days have access to so much porn on the internet that naked ladies playing snooker would provide absolutely no titillation. Unless, perhaps, there was a guy in a Darth Vader suit peeing on the women at the same time.

A definite favourite of ToePoke is anarchic comedy genius, Chris Morris. Before Sullivan got all respectable and bought West Ham (if it is indeed possible to be respectable and associated with West Ham) Morris interviewed him on his show. Cue a bemused looking Mr. Sullivan making an absolute tit of himself in the deluded belief he was involved in an actual programme about dildos and baby- hoses. And this is a guy who is running a football club. Good luck Hammer's fans, you might need it. Check out the video here.