Bell...
Jamie Walker is a rare breed – someone who sympathises with Mr Portsmouth...
“This is the way the world ends, not with a bang but a whimper”
If there’s one thing that is entirely certain, it is that history repeats itself. Just ask Adrian Mutu, substance abuser of the year 2004, and now again in 2010. What’s that, Ade? No acceptance speech? You’re so humble. And all this after winning the genetic lottery and getting to be a super-rich sportsman, captaining your country. The kind of thing we lowly serfs only dream of. I hope the gypsies rip your legs off and teach you a lesson. Or at the least, FIFA punish you like Dade Murphy, and ban your arse from ever touching a football for the next eight years.
If Adrian looks like he’s due to seek alternative employment for his misdemeanours, then the entire Portsmouth squad might need to start checking the updates on directgov. Peter Storrie, you sir, are a fool. Then again, you’re not alone in your idiocy. Twenty-first century footballing economics dictates that all you need to succeed is a man upstairs with the financial acumen of a Teletubby. That, and a billionaire Oligarch with more money than is entirely necessary. Such a combination, as Mr. Wonka will tell you, when mixed just right, is glorious. Gloriously catastrophic.
In Portsmouth’s case, such catastrophe is only two days away, and is pretty darned unavoidable. For four of the last five months, neither the players nor the staff have been paid their wages on time. Her Majesty’s Revenue & Customs are seeking to liquidate the club, Sol Campbell’s suing them over lost earnings. Never has administration been such a blank barrel to stare down.
Of course, this isn’t the first time this has happened to the south coast outfit. They went into administration back in 1998. However, back then, there was no ten-point punishment for doing so. Must be also noted that the financial scope of the club was much smaller then. Lower league, smaller wages, it didn’t take much for Milan Mandaric to turn the club around. Now though, the figures are in the ‘millionaires need not apply’ region. Unfortunately, like a jilted wife, Portsmouth have tried this already. Indeed, it’s what’s landed them in this mess. Could have been, and could still be, Abramovich, Glazer, or Mansour that turned out to be financially unreliable. Sod’s Law fell on Pompey pinning their hopes on Sulaiman al-Fahim.
Sorry boys, you lucked out. Luckily for you you’ve got a squad tailor-made for Championship football. A quick glance over the current squad, post-transfer window, reveals that the one thing missing is quality. Only one player in the squad could possibly seen as a financial asset; Nadir Belhadj. The likes of Calamity James and Kanu might suggest ability, but it’s belied by their respective ages. James is only still the first choice England keeper because they won’t pick Almunia. And Kanu is no longer the player he was compared to when he was spooning shots over the bar from half a yard out. Begovic and Kaboul have gone, just not for enough to the fees to offset ￡70million. Loan signings might paper the cracks, but they’re no solution.
If Portsmouth do get wound up, and cease to exist, it will be a great shame. Yeah yeah, there’s all the local clubs going under malarkey about the story, but it will be really sad mostly because of one man; John Anthony Portsmouth Football Club Westwood. That’s his real name, changed it by deed poll. He’s perhaps the most adamant supporter in the history of sport, and it wouldn’t be unfair to say that he’s treated Portsmouth FC like a religion. If they do go, his mode of worship goes. The tattoos on his body serving as a sad testament to what was.
