Stephen Roberts dons some luminous green hair beads and analyses the country ranked 15th in the World...
So then, Nigeria. Er... home of the river Niger, Nollywood and... I'm not gonna lie to you Gwen, I don't knows much about Nigeria. Tidy.
Nigeria
80/1 (Ladbrokes)
Nickname...
The Super Eagles
How they qualified...
Their AFCON World Cup qualifying campaign started smoothly, but eventually relied upon those maverick Mozambicans (and probably a hefty donation from the “Nigerian finance minister” via Western Union...) to humble Tunisia in the final round. That, combined with a 1-0 victory over the footballing colossus that is Kenya, ensured their presence at this year's gig.
Commentators are most likely to bang on about...
Jay Jay Okocha's spell at Bolton, Finidi George's stint at Ipswich, Taribo West in general, Kanu's real age/heart defect/time at Arsenal/hat-trick against Chelsea, with that goal from the byline, how an African side is capable off lifting the World Cup in the near future, and let us not forget their gold medal at the 96' Atlanta Olympics.
Players you'll have heard of...
Joseph Yobo, Danny Shittu, Yakubu.
A player you can pretend to know...
Taye Taiwo. Brought in at Marseille to fill the void left by Bixente Lizarazu's departure to Bayern Munich. A powerful, ball-playing defender with a hammer of a left foot. And a fan of alliteration.
Mental manager rating...
He must be. Having coached sides such as Shooting Stars and Sharks FC, Shaibu Amodu is already in his third shift as Nigerian gaffer. However, the omens don't look great with his most recent P45 arriving after having qualified for Japan and Korea and finishing third in AFCON 2002. Rumours are rife that Bob Mortimer and Donald Cox (the sweatiest of all the foxes) are waiting in the wings (apologies).
Chances of hooliganism...
Zilch... A 2003 survey showed that Nigeria was the happiest place in the world out of 65 countries... Seriously. Although there's some social unrest towards the President Umaru Yar'Adua. Dodgy balloting banter seems to be the verdict. See: G.W Bush, 2000, Florida.
If they were a celeb they'd be...
Simply to continue this tenuous Shootings Stars link, Johnny Vegas. Big lads, entertaining, surprisingly talented. However, they're equally indisciplined and misguided.
How we reckon they'll do...
Grouped with the Argies, Greece and South Korea. They're definitely setting their sights on the second round but they'll be fortunate to progress from there. A lot depends on Jay Jay Okocha. Shame he's retired then init?
