With everything in place, the ESPN content meeting could begin...

Somebody's having a laugh at everybody's second favourite satellite sports broadcaster...

Now we're not daft. Honest. We know that if a TV network has paid a hell of a lot of Uncle Rico's moolah for some exclusive Premier Leauge football, they're going to do their best to sell it to the millions of potential viewers. So it becomes a bit tricky when you're the geeky new boy of sports broadcasting and the bigger, older bully has forced you to step in dog muck.

Which is our tenuous analogy for ESPN reluctantly airing Sunderland v Stoke on Monday evening. So how are they pitching this all-action clash to the football-hungy masses? Well, they've gone down the take the piss route it would seem...

That'll be the "sweet-passing" Sunderland who haven won once in their last 11 games - against Barrow. The "stylish" team who contrived to lose 7-2 at Chelsea, 2-1 at bottom-club Portsmouth and then 2-0 again last night at Everton.

They're about as attractive to look at as Steve Bruce's nose. Now, where do we sign up?