'C'mon ladies, dont be shy, take your pick from one of these handsome men'

ToePoke goes Crimewatch and helps police track down some wrong 'uns...

As everyone knows, there is no place for hooliganism and violence in modern football. That is mainly due to those darn all seater stadiums. It's hard to have a good ruck when you are tripping over seated women and children who are halfway through a £17.50 hamburger and coke.

We joke of course. Here at ToePoke we are totally against all forms of violence. Unless, of course, someone is kicking the shit out of the Stereophonics. That we can live with. Anyway, in an effort to help the police track down these scallywags, we can exclusively reveal the identities of all of the accused. They are (from top left):

1. A welder
2. James Corden and David Blaine
3. Michael Stipe
4. The guy who nearly got the part as Del Boy's brother
5. Nasty Nick
6. Michel Stipe's 97- year- old father
7. Desperate Dan
8. The Pet Shop Boys
9. An Elvis impersonator
10. A horse/human hybrid in a hat
11. Benny from Crossroads
12. Jeremie Aliadiere
13. Bobby Charlton's son

Lock them up and throw away the key!!