Series 9 of the X Factor saw Louis go all gangster...

Football fashion...with David Sullivan

Blimey, we start a feature on the strength of one dodgy Parka from Mike Phelan and suddenly everyone starts dressing like a blind man buying from the Oxfam bargain bin. Not that we should be surprised with football's most famous porn baron, David Sullivan, the shiny new owner - along with his mucky mucker David Gold - of West Ham United.

So this week Dave will mostly be donning a claret-coloured velvet jacket with black trim, which looks furrier than [comment removed because it was just bloody disgusting]. It exudes the class of a man famous for producing bongo flicks and launching the Daily Sport. With the slick-back silver hair he pretty much looks like a poor man's Hugh Hefner - a little grubby, a bit shifty but at times endearing. He'll be a perfect fit at Upton Park.

Noticed anyone else dressing like a douche? Let us know here toepoke.net@gmail.com.