Dedication is what you need...

Hear that? That's right, it's the cacophony of noise created by Roy Castle's trumpet, Chris Akabusi's deep breathing and Linford Christie having a cabinet reshuffle donwstairs - it can only be Record Breakers of course. You're a Record Breaker do de do do! Or something like that.

Right, enough of that over-blown enthusiasm for a programme we once held dear to our hearts, now we're too old and cynical and think people who work for Guinness World Records need to stop counting the amount of beans in a bath or weighing morbidly obese people who can't leave their homes, and drink more of the black stuff.

Which probably wasn't the type of pep talk PE teacher Danny Brooks received before breaking the record for the World's longest throw-in the other day - see above. And this is probably the point where we make the quip about Tony Pulis offering him a multi-million pound contract. There, we did it.

Now sod off...