Welcome to Wednesday's best...

In today's rags, Martin Keown is clearly on something, as is Burnley chairman Barry Kilby, and Harry is wheeling with no dealing...
 
The Mail
"Campbell can gain England recall"
In a story that could quite easily have been headlined "Keown smokes crack before talking about football", Mr Charisma himself, Marty Keown, has been spouting hilariously delusional dross about 35-year-old past-it fat-knack has-been Sol Campbell's chances of making an England recall. He said that Wenger will certainly have taken a "close look at him to see if he is at the right level and still hungry. Having spoken to him in the summer, I’m sure he is." We're sure he's hungry too Marty. But we think you should stick to your entertaining Castrol adverts with your comedy partner Nigel Winterburn - the only funny man/straight man double act in history to go leftfield with two of the same. We'll let you decide which one's which...

The Guardian
"Laws poised to take vacant Burnley job"
So a manager sacked for flirting with Championship relegation is rewarded with a job in the Premier League - we'll never figure this ever-perplexing game out. Apparantly the former Wednesday and Scunthorpe boss with an unfeasibly large head impressed at the interview with Clarets chairman Barry Kilby - a man who looks and sounds like he could be your local butcher. Presumably Laws passed with flying colours by forgetting to bring his managerial CV along. Anyway, to gage the reaction among the fans, we got in touch with our Burnley correspondent (what? we've got one, honest), and he said this: "Not even Alistair Campbell himself can spin this one. The fans are up in arms and rightly so. I'd actually prefer Megson! We're just resigning from the Prem." Topical and seething, textbook response Mr Alan Walker. But that sort of rational thinking will never get you on Sky Sports News, they only interview people who can't pronounce vowels properly...

The Sun
"Spurs close in on Sandro deal"
We couldn't complete a look at the day's rags without scouring through the nation's favourite newspaper. Today they've got Harry "more wheeler than dealer" Redknapp set to complete a £6m deal for a Brazilian midfielder named Sandro. Or the Sun have got their wires crossed, and he's actually paying £6m for his wife Sandra, given that he claimed last season that she was better than Darren Bent, that chap who has scored 13 goals this season. Tenuous? You're probably right. Especially as she'll still be indoors playing the Wii or getting Jamie to fix up a free Thomas Cook holiday...

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