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Continuing the countdown...

Already we've brought you bog rolls, pervy mascots and proper drop balls. So, as Pete Tong used to say back when he wasn't 62 and uncool, we continue...

91. Nasal strips
Inherently, footballers are pretty stupid. Which means that they're easily manipulated. So when some failed scientist invented the "breathe easy" nasal strips, he thought that footballers would be the perfect people to endorse his product. Was it because they were the perfect high-profile athletes to demonstrate just how cool they were, as well as increasing your oxygen-intake? Course not, it's because they'll do anything, without question, if their agents tell them too. Which, we presume, is exactly the reason Robbie Fowler and several other clowns proceeded to actually wear these things, even after they'd been proven to do nowt. Hell, who cares if you look like a lesbian Gladiators contestant if you're getting paid for doing so. If only Dragons' Den was around back then, they'd have promptly told the money-grabbing nerds where to shove their PHDs...

90. White dog shit
Seriously, what happened to it?

89. Goalkeepers wearing green jerseys
Traditionally of course, keepers would wear a plain green jersey, with the same colour shorts and socks as the rest of the team - it meant that if you happened to break your keeper playing subbuteo, you didn't cry for too long as you'd invariably have another keeper with the same colour shorts and socks from another team. It also meant that keepers from teams such as Hull and Blackpool looked like they'd been dressed in the dark. By Satan. Then Jorge Campos came along in USA 94 with his own bespoke kit, which he'd presumably designed while out of his nut on acid with Hunter S Thompson and Keith Richards. Suddenly, keepers got all uppity and decided that they deserved their own full kit. Only, they, like Campos went a bit too far. Remember David Seaman's red and vomit England kit? Or some of Schmeichel's offensive efforts? Of course it's all culminated in Petr Cech looking like a walking dildo. Campos has a lot to answer for.

88. Linesmen checking subs' studs before they enter the field of play
They don't do this anymore of course. These days there's a fourth official, and he's too busy holding the electronic scoreboard and swivelling around in a robotic manner that makes it look like some pesky kid has tied his laces together. Presumably some smart arse pointed out that, since the ref never checked the studs of the 22 players starting on the pitch in the first place, it seemed a wee bit futile to check those of the players coming on in the 83rd minute. And what were they looking for anyway? Ben Hur-style spikes? We don't remember any linesman actually checking the studs and deciding something needed done about it. Still, at least it gave them something to do, rather than to simply highlight decisions the referees make by waving a camp little flag. Not to mention that was when they were called "linesmen". But more on that later...

So just, er, 87 to go then. Fancy helping us out? Or would you rather see us flounder like Yakubu doing ballet? Either way, get in touch with us here at toepoke.net@gmail.com