The midweek crock from the dailies...

Today the rags can't even be convinced by their own Gabi Agbonlahor headlines, Harry's making more eyebrow-raising signings, and Big Av is set to return...
 
The Daily Star
"Arsenal to swoop for £17m Gabi if he stays consistent"
Top marks to the Star for not only coming up with the longest headline in the world, but one that inspires absolutely no confidence that this story is true. "If he stays consistent"? What sort of half-arsed effort is that? Since when were headlines allowed to have caveats in them? Plus, since we all know that Gabby Agbonlahor is about as consistent as an old man's stool after a night on curry and Guinness, it's basically a headline that says "Arsenal to swoop for £17m Gabi, but actually they won't." Don't get us wrong, the kid's got a bit of pace, but has a touch like a mule that's been inappropriately fondled. Wenger won't go anywhere near him.
 
The Mirror
"Harry moves for Honduran strike star"
Speaking of overrated strikers, Jermain Defoe is again being talked about in the Mirror, only this time he's about to be replaced. "What!" we hear you cry, "Harry is about to get rid of the greatest striker that has ever scored five goals against a defence containing Titus Bramble?". Well, no, not exactly. But 'Arry has got a Honduran striker in on loan, a chap named Melvin Valladeres. They reckon he's been recommended by Wilson Palacios. Which makes us wonder, why do managers listen to their players' recommendations? If we were footballers, we'd recommend our mates every day. Either way, we dunno if he's any good, but we've a hunch 'Arry will say that's he's "triffic".

The Sun
"Grant ready to replace Hart"
In a move about as predictable as Liverpool fans "defiantly" singing You'll Never Walk Alone at the full-time whistle yesterday, it looks like Big Av is set to make his return to Premier League management, to once again charm us with his eerily calm demeanour and shocking dullness. As much as we feel a bit sorry for Paul Hart, he was hardly one of football's "characters" was he? Still, this feels as though Pompey are swapping Eeyore for Droopy Dog...