We call this a Barnes-dance. Chortle...

Because Barnesy is good at some stuff...

Far be it for us to jump on the Barnes is shit at management bandwagon, we here appreciate that, while some people do have their flaws, we must also praise their strengths. So completely ignoring John Barnes's hilarious, sorry, not-so-great managerial record, our very first Videode (see what we did there?) celebrates all things great about the former Liverpool and England winger.

You'll be relieved to know Channel Five presenting is not included...

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Just how thirsty does he make you feel? Look at the sweat? Doesn't it look like he's been through pure hell? Get us a drink of Lucozade asap! What a performance...

Being hilarious on TV

Does it upset anybody else to the point of wanting to poke yourself in the eye with a blunt pencil that not only does Jamie Redknapp wear cool skinny ties, share a bed with Louise Redknapp and earn a coin talking cackbabble on Sky, but according to John here he also packs a punch in the nethers? No wonder he's a smug bastard. The shit.

Scoring mint goals against Brazil

Joe Cole, Ashley Young, Shauny Wright-Phillips, Phil Neville - England's most skilfull players of this generation will never score a goal like this against Brazil. Ever.

Being an all-round entertainer

And Kudos for somehow resisting the temptation to smack TV twat Vernon Kay with an anvil smeared in anthrax.

And of course, Rapping

Top class Barnsey, top class. Just stick to what you're good at from now on though eh?