Cynical Sid on the plague infesting football...

The football season has only just started and we already have the first bloody ‘controversy’ of the season. Some Croatian/Brazilian/Fanny-Dancer has taken a dive in the box and all hell has broke loose. Apparently, according to the meeja, it’s the end of the world as we know it. Everything else ceases to be of any importance. Good job too, it was getting a bit hairy in those death-camps in the war-torn Sudan, thank God the refugees have something to take their mind off their miserable existence.

Just as football is becoming ever more sanitised, so are the frickin’ points of contentiousness that everybody gets hot and bothered about. I remember when there used to be proper instances to get worked up about. A Columbian central defender getting shot in a car-park because he pumped the ball into his own net during a World Cup. Leonardo elbowing Tab Ramos so hard in the face the guy can still click his wrecked jaw to the tune of ‘The Star Spangled Banner’ some 15 years later. Graham Souness continually getting jobs despite proving to be an absolute ball-bag of a manager on numerous occasions. I am not saying any of these instances are to be lauded but at least they are deserving of a massive debate. A Premier League player diving? Stop the press! Holy crap, that almost never happens!

It wasn't even a good dive. In fact, it was the worst dive I have seen since Greg Louganis smacked his skull on the high-board at the Los Angeles Olympics in 84. At least that was funny. Apparently Eduardo has been given a two game ban by UEFA. What a bummer for him. Now, rather than getting a numb ass as he usually does sitting on the bench, he will be able to stay at home and watch the telly. And still get paid. Where’s the punishment in that? If I had my way, I would get him do laps of the pitch during those two games wearing a sandwich board that said’ I am a massive knob-head’. Bet he would stay on his feet in future.