God only knows how this went in...

#14

Sol De America v Olimpia

16 May 2010

Picture the scene. You are a 36-year-old Brazilian midfielder. Your team is going to be relegated from the Paraguayan top flight unless you can somehow overcome a team that is chasing the title. The referee flags for free kick just over the halfway line, some 45-yards from goal. Do you:
[More]

SPL in great game shocker!

#13

Motherwell v Hibernian

Jamie Walker's found us a beaut from the good ol' US of A...

The Toepoke Worldy; the greatest accolade we can bestow upon a footballer now that we’ve been banned from selling them fake GCSE’s in Food Technology. Sure, it won’t fit on your mantelpiece like the player of the month award, or that macaroni picture you got a gold star for the... [More]

Double-bicycle kick strikers work in tandem...

#12

Boca Juniors v Gimnasia la Plata

22nd April 2010

We humans love a good argument. Whether it be land-ownership, religion or power, there is nothing we like better than a bit of a fight. Sometimes these fights get so heated that we end up shooting each other in the face. What are we like? But the one thing we all agree on is that 'Escape to Victory' is the best film ever. Pele's over-head kick at the end of the movie is regularly voted as the best scene in film history, even better than bit in Basic Instinct when Sharon Stone reveals her growler. [More]

The reason Dani Alves doesn't get a game for Brazil...

#11 Douglas Maicon
Inter v Juve
16th April 2010

Footballers called Douglas aren't exactly high in number. Other than that ropey former Celtic keeper, Rab Douglas - whose parents were presumably dyslexic, we can't really think of many more. So kudos to the man they call... [More]

Sunderland's Zen master comes up with a worldy!

#10 Bolo Zenden
Sunderland v Spurs
3rd April 2010

Tis a funny name, Bolo. It sounds like a clown. Or a character from a Samuel Becket play (lar dee dar). In fact it's neither. Instead, it's the nickname of Sunderland's 33-year-old Dutch winger Boudewijn Zenden, who, up until yesterday had spent his first few months on Wearside doing a passable impression of a weeble - waddling from side to side for a few minutes, fairly pleasant to watch, but after a while you realise it's all a bit pointless.

Only it turns out this weeble has a volleying technique to rival the greats, and we take it all back Bolo. Eat your heart out Van Bazza...

It's the worldy interplanetery of the week!

#9 Lionel Messi
Zaragoza v Barcelona
21st March 2010

"Tonight, I saw Diego Maradona. But at more revs per minute. There are no words left to describe him – he is interplanetary. We could have... [More]

It's football. But not as you know it. Yakshemash!

#8 Kenan Rathinho
Somewhere in Kyrgyzstan (it's a real place)
12th February 2010

Never heard of this guy? Then you're obviously not as in to your Krygystani Futsal as you thought you were. Part-timer. Needless to say we like to think of ourselves as Futsal experts here at ToePoke, mainly because... [More]

This. Is. Brilliant.

Observe, ladies and gents, why lower league football will always, that's ALWAYS, be better than that shitty Premier League nonsense. Just listen to... [More]

OK, so it's our second worldy of the week. Big whoop wanna fighdaboutit?

#7 Alvaro Negredoa
Sevilla v Valencia
31st January 2010

Yeah, yeah - we've already had our worldy this week thanks to Guti's backheel for a very grateful Karim Benzema. But to be fair, we did tell you that there was another one coming. And here it is, a goal scored on the very same weekend as Benzema's, in the very same league. And people try to tell us the Premier League is... [More]