44 years of hurt. And counting...

William Blake wrote, "I will not cease from mental fight, nor shall my sword sleep in my hand: 
till we have built Jerusalem, in England's green & pleasant land”. Rupert Brooke went for, “If I should die, think only this of me, that there's some corner of a foreign field, that is for ever England.” And Fat Les? “Me and me mum and me dad and me gran, we're off to Waterloo. Me and me mum and me dad and me gran, with a bucket of vindaloo.” Quite...

New Zealand at the World Cup. Present.

It's less than 100 days to the World Cup begins in earnest. So that means we have  clearly not stuck to our initial promise of one World Cup guide per week until the competition starts. So expect at least one guide per week from now on.* This week, we take a look at New Zealand and its fine footballing heritage. It is also a country that now has more Lord Of The Rings geeks - creaming their pants when they see the exact spot where Elijah Wood looked like a complete gimp - than sheep.

*or expect the last 15 guides to appear the day before the World Cup [More]

Pepsi get the bandwagon rolling...

And we're off. The plethora of Africa-themed World Cup adverts that are set to dominate our screens for the next five months has it's first effort, and it's just as we suspected. Pepsi have gone for every cliché in the book - the Ladysmith Black Mambazo-style music, the dusty and sunny setting, the textbook meet-and-greet-and-have-a-bit-of-banter-with-the-locals script.

And yet, you know what? It still raises a smile here at ToePoke. Though probably only because we just can't ruddy wait for the World Cup. Or we're just getting soft...

Slovenia...bet you'll love it

What a ruddy genius way to try and get people to come to your country - tempt them with a bet. Regardless of the Slovenian tourist board's tactics, we received this cordial invite to a do in March for, well, we're not all that sure to be honest. Since there's no talk of food and/or drink, we're not bowled over by it, in fact we're a tad intrigued by the penultimate line which finishes "......and a bit of fun". Kinky.

Should we go? Let us know what you think here toepoke.net@gmail.com. And feel free to send us any invites to sex parties masquerading as World Cup football meets. Just make sure there's food...

International football fetishist Stephen Roberts meets Uruguay...

Uruguay, a country immortalised by Homer Simpson, the home of everyone's favourite sweet-sounding South American capital city, Montevideo, and one of this year's World Cup also-rans... [More]

...by Ronaldo (the original).

Is not a self-help book hitting the stores any time soon. Oh how we miss his blissful disregard for political correctness. Dunga - call him up!

Fancy a go at a caption? Then email us here toepoke.net@gmail.com or have a go in the comments section below. The best one wins a prize.*

*Probably just a CD or something, so don't spend too long on it...

Stephen Roberts dons some luminous green hair beads and analyses the country ranked 15th in the World...

So then, Nigeria. Er... home of the river Niger, Nollywood and... I'm not gonna lie to you Gwen, I don't knows much about Nigeria. Tidy.

Stephen Roberts lights a doobie, does the windmill and goes Dutch...

Amsterdam cafés, Van Gogh, cheese cocooned in non-edible red wax and the Zuider Zee project (the only bit of GCSE Geography that I remember, barring Ox-bow lakes). The Dutch are just, well, a bit daft. Their national side however, are a force to be reckoned with. This current crop of young pretenders are in with a serious shout at dethroning past masters such as Cruyff, Neeskens, Gullit and Koeman to name but a few. Let’s do this shit... [More]