Quagmire................Dean Whitehead

'It seems to me, that all we see, is violence in movies and....

Another stupid look-a-like on the website, TP.' To be fair to us, it's been an extremely heavy weekend and trying to coax the assembled brain-cells we have left to come up with something witty and intelligent like we usually do (no laughing at the back) is a bit of a stretch at this juncture. So instead our design team (person) has come up with this.

That's not to say this ain't funny, and slightly disturbing. Whitehead, like Quagmire, has a chin like a template for a Findus Crispy Pancake box and also has a way with the ladies. In saying that, the ladies he is having his way with are from Stoke. Peter Griffins daughter, Meg, is probaly better looking than about 98% of the women in Stoke. Come to think of it, so is his son Chris...

"Pass me that copy of Escort, there is a good article in it about naked women and snooker"

David Sullivan looks like a knob on telly. Again.

*(For those who don't keep up with annoying, frat-boy vocab from the US, this means getting the piss taken out of you)

West Ham's new owner, David Sullivan, is a bit of a ToePoke favourite. Well actually, he's only appeared once, when we noticed he wore a Hugh Heffner style smoking jacket at the press conference when he took over the club. Like Heffner, Sullivan made his millions producing vile pornographic smut, which has no place in a civilised society. Some teenage boys got so addicted to this filth that their poor mums had to change their sheets using a toffee hammer... [More]

Football's old hat. All the cool kids are doing politics now...

Elections, Chilcot inquiries, expenses, badly-coiffured hair - you can't move for politics these days. Question Time is getting bigger ratings than Big Brother, Andrew Neil is cooler than Ray Stubbs, and Gordon Brown is saving the world from meltdown (all lies. Probably). So while we were always told not to get involved in things we knew little about, it doesn't seem to have done Jamie Redknapp any harm. So as soon as we saw... [More]

The first in a new weekly Webhound feature, where we search the best of the web so you don't have to*

*also known as shameless SEO/Google whoring...

This week we're relieved to see that it's not just us who Phil Dowd is irritating, Puma show off their cracking array of African Nations kits, and Umbro get in on the act with Dazza Bent's dynamite new foota boots... [More]