'All of these sackings is such pain. There is no-one left to help me push this weeks' wage home'

85

The number, of people, who lost their jobs at Portsmouth FC today, most of whom were on less than 20k per year. The players, who earn up to 80k per week, didn't even consider the possibilty of a pay cut of their own in an attempt to save the jobs of their grossly lower paid colleagues.

That, ladies and gentleman, is a very sad fact.

'My favourite player is Liam Lawrence of Arabia'

1/1,000,000

The odds that Sir Alex was ever going to let Wayne Rooney play in an England friendly the week before a Champions League game, despite the fact the player had just managed to play in a Cup Final and score the winner.

That, you cynical bunch who think Rooney's injury might not actually be real, is a fact!

"Barca-bound" Cesc, back in the days when he was lead singer of popular boy band A1...

1,386.
 
The number of seperate occasions, pre-presidential election, where a "Spanish newspaper" will claim that Cesc Fabregas has an agreement in place to join Pep Guardiola's lot.
 
That, you white hanky waving ninnies, is a fact.

'Mr Gascoigne, we have reserved your usual room'

2

The number of times, in the last two days, Gazza 'daft as a brush' Gascoigne has been arrested for drunken and disorderly conduct. (This number may be subject to change as the week progresses)

That, ladies and gentleman, is a rather sad but inevitable fact.

'Don't worry, I will be totally fine for training tomorrow'

87

The amount of weight, in pounds, Robinho will gain during his loan spell as he hits the clubs of Brazil.

That, ladies and gentlemen, is a FACT!

'It's time to start...RUNNING!'

1.47

The length of time, in minutes and seconds,  it will take Sol Campbell to get changed and leave the Emirates in tears when Arsene subs him at half time again.

That, ladies and gentlemen, is a FACT!

10,000

The amount, in pounds, it will cost you if you want John Terry to show you where Didier Drogba et al drop their smelly pants after training.

That, ladies and gentlemen, is er...alleged.

I'm not scared of him, he's not even a regular first team wolf.

99.9

The precentage of the football watching population who couldn't tell a member of the Wolves' first or second team apart if they were in a line up.

That, ladies and gentleman, is a FACT