Barton, still trying to differentiate his arse from his elbow..

460

The number of litres that would have been reached if it where possible to collect each mouthful of tea that was spat out when the drinker read the headline - 'Joey Barton: I'm as good as anyone in England'

That, ladies and cigar on the eyeball stubbing gentlemen who will never, ever, learn their lesson, is a FACT!

That'll be a ding dang don't then...

7200

The amount of time, in seconds, that Rafa Benitez has left as Liverpool manager.

That, la, is a FACT*

*guess based on nowt but hearsay and rumour. Or is it?

One posh annoying bastard we're going to be seeing on our screens every day for the next month. And David Cameron.

3.4

The time, in minutes, following the start of the World Cup, that it will take Prime Minister David Cameron to decide that he likes football after all, and jump on the England World Cup bandwagon ahead of their first group match against the USA.

That, good ladies and gentlemen, is a Bullingdon Club Factoid.

'JT is distraught after his Daddy's Sauce father of the year award is revoked'

9/10

The number of England fans that punched the air when they heard John Terry's injury might keep him out of the World Cup.

That ladies and unbelievably over-rated defenders whose reputation is built solely on being a one club man, true Brit type who will put his head in places only brave (or thick) players would and has been consistently shown up whenever he faces a striker of even meagre talent, is a FACT!

'Pucker up, buttercup...'

13

The extra time, in minutes, that Paul Scholes brushed his teeth for before he went to bed on the night of the Manchester derby.

That, ladies and sports gentlemen who show no hesitation to kiss other men in front of 50,000 paying members of the public, is a FACT!

Well you try and find a picture of David Craig without resorting to this...

88

The percentage of Newcastle fans who would prefer to have Andy Carroll in their Premier League starting XI (“cos wah back in tha big tyme lyke ye kna”) ahead of... [More]

'Who is this Peterbrough manager? I am the only man who shakes up the world!'

0.00000000000000000000000001

The number, if registered on a richter scale, that would show up if the football world actually did shake at the appointment of Gary Johnson as Peterbrough manager. (as Barry Fry suggested at the press conference)

That, ladies and elderly gentlemen who perhaps have lost touch with the football world and reality itself, is a fact!

'All of these sackings is such pain. There is no-one left to help me push this weeks' wage home'

85

The number, of people, who lost their jobs at Portsmouth FC today, most of whom were on less than 20k per year. The players, who earn up to 80k per week, didn't even consider the possibilty of a pay cut of their own in an attempt to save the jobs of their grossly lower paid colleagues.

That, ladies and gentleman, is a very sad fact.

'My favourite player is Liam Lawrence of Arabia'

1/1,000,000

The odds that Sir Alex was ever going to let Wayne Rooney play in an England friendly the week before a Champions League game, despite the fact the player had just managed to play in a Cup Final and score the winner.

That, you cynical bunch who think Rooney's injury might not actually be real, is a fact!

"Barca-bound" Cesc, back in the days when he was lead singer of popular boy band A1...

1,386.
 
The number of seperate occasions, pre-presidential election, where a "Spanish newspaper" will claim that Cesc Fabregas has an agreement in place to join Pep Guardiola's lot.
 
That, you white hanky waving ninnies, is a fact.