'I am really struggling with this black-hole theory, I wonder if James Milner can spare me five minutes?'
The infinite wisdom of a midfielder from Aston Villa...
There are so many things to be thankful for on this Earth. The breaking sun over a mirror like sea, the smile of your child that melts your heart and the sense of pleasure true freedom brings, to name but a few. But more than even these wonderful things, the intelligence and wisdom of a Premiership footballer is perhaps the greatest gift we can ever have. Take James Milner's comments at yesterday's press conference for the England v Egypt game, for example. He said... [More]
Footballers Guardian journalists say the funniest things...
Those folk at the Guardian must know their stuff right? As proof, here's their pre-amble to the big AC Milan v Man Utd game the other night...
"Seven years to the day since he emerged from Manchester United's dressing room bearing a scar on his forehead accidentally inflicted by a boot launched by an infuriated Sir Alex Ferguson, David Beckham sat next to his current manager to discuss tomorrow night's Champions League rendezvous with his old mentor at San Siro, his new home. It would certainly be difficult to imagine a similar incident between Beckham and... [More]
Ballack shared another joke with fellow comedian Jens Lehmann...
A funny German walks into a bar...
Stereotypes - lazy clichés about a country or race usually committed by people who should probably know better. Like us. But can you blame us when Michael Ballack seems to follow them as a lifestyle choice? Take his response to Arsene Wenger's post-match protestations... [More]
Anyone missing this tart yet?
If you haven't yet stopped laughing at the fact the big greasy clart was sent off for lashing out at Malaga defender Patrick Mtiliga at the weekend, or even at this excuse that it wasn't his fault because "he's a little guy...and that meant I caught his nose by accident," then you might find his recent comments a tad chucklesome... [More]
At the third stroke, Fergie time sponsored by Accurist will be...
The Dark Lord loses his grip on the time-space continuum...
Sir Alex of Ferguson is famed for his favourite hobby - the ancient art of time-manipulation. Whether it's stopwatches, scoreboard timers or sand-filled hourglasses, the Ferglar loves nothing better than plucking extra minutes and hours from nowhere to craft and mold as he sees fit. Need an extra seven minutes of injury time to grab a couple of goals? No problems for Fergus. So he's probably regretting not using his special powers today... [More]
Dom Joly didn't have the balls to ask Eric for his phone back...
Footballers agents say the funniest things...
BBC Football, January 6th 2010:
Sheffield United defender Matthew Kilgallon is set to stay at Bramall Lane until the end of the season, according to his agent Paul Masterson. Masterson told BBC Radio Sheffield: "We sat down and decided we're happy at Sheffield. We could end up in the Premiership and reassess things there." Masterson added that Kilgallon wanted to put transfer speculation behind him. "We sat down with Kevin (Blackwell) and Sam (Ellis), who he has got great respect for, and we said let's just draw a line under it."
BBC Football, January 21st 2010:
Sunderland have signed defender Matthew Kilgallon from Sheffield United on a three-and-a-half-year contract.
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ToePoke hack in Adobe Photoshop show-off shocker...
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned and all that...
In case the intelligent chaps and chapesses who read this dear blog aren't aware, the "first lady of football" Karren Brady has been writing a weekly column for The Sun for a few years now, called the "Brum diary" (see what they did there Hunter S Thompson fans?). Here are our favourite bits... [More]
We think this is what you call a Freudian slip...
John Terry, as we all know, is Chelsea through and through. So much so that he turned down Man City's millions and opted to stay with his beloved Chelsea, who then rewarded him for his loyalty and offered him more millions. But the money didn't matter to him. What a hero of our times he truly is. Nelson Mandela hasn't got a look in.
This week, Mr. Chelsea, has spoken about his team's chances of wrestling back the title from Man Utd... [More]
