What chance has anyone got if this guy has to pay for it...

Footballers chairmen say the funniest things...

So UEFA have refused to overturn Franck Ribery's Champions League ban after his sending off in the semi-final first leg against Lyon, meaning he'll miss the Champs League final against Inter, which isn't so much mental because it has no English teams in it (as the press here would have you think), but because it's being played on a Saturday.

But enough of that potential shitstorm, as we're reflecting on... [More]

Here's something we made earlier...

Hypocrisy: the new scent from Harry Redknapp...

What's the most annoying thing about loud-mouth shock-jock radio (see: Talksport) presenters and columnists? Is it their deliberately “controversial” opinions that they conjure up to provoke debate? Not in our book. No, while their views do often more than border on irritating, it's their hypocrisy that really grinds. When they say one thing and argue for it like it's their reason for being, only to argue for the complete opposite six months later when they need another contrived opinion to incense listeners/readers.

But hey, after all, that's their job. In the end, it's all got to be taken with... [More]

'Arry Redknapp: Leader of the Geezer Party...

Not appearing in a political debate near you...

Fresh from our mini Spurs rant yesterday, it seems we haven't finished with everyone's second team. Or rather everyone's second manager. On an evening when millions in this fair isle have been watching three men do their best to bullshit a nation by ducking and diving tricky issues, playing deaf when it suits and pretending to be something they're not, it seems apt that we've stumbled upon a few more comments from the master... [More]

Dowie even sent his private jet over in a bid to get his striker back asap...

Amr Zaki is one shady Giza...

"I can honestly say that in all my time in football I have never worked with someone as unprofessional as Amr Zaki." Steve Bruce, 2nd April 2009.

"This was lie. I am now back and waiting for my match against Sunderland to answer him on the pitch, because he insulted me and I proved him wrong when he said that I won't come back to England. I am professional here getting my salary from an English club and my own objective here is to make Egypt proud of me with no relation between politics and sports." Amr Zaki, 10th April 2010.

"He has every intention to be punctual but the red tape caused his arrival at Hull to be postponed." Amr Zaki's agent, yesterday, after his client failed to return to Hull from international duty...

Tottenaham boss gives young star advice on honourability...(snort)

Portsmouth's Jamie O'Hara, on loan from Tottenham, has admitted he hopes the North London club get beat by Fulham in their FA cup tie. This would allow him to play in the semi-final at Wembley, as the terms of his loan prevent him from facing Spurs. [More]

Phil Brown's trusty headset was quick to jump in with the new man...

Footballers chairmen say the funniest things...

16th March: Hull City chairman Adam Pearson, a day after sacking our mucker Phil Brown: “We are looking at this appointment as a nine-game survival plan and we are very much looking for an impact manager to come in and get things together to refocus for the last nine games." 

17th March: "Iain Dowie has been appointed the new manager of Hull."

Iain Dowie's Premier League record:

Crystal Palace: relegated

Charlton Athletic: sacked with the club in the relegation zone.

Newcastle United (assistant manager): relegated

He's certainly an impact manager alright...

'I am really struggling with this black-hole theory, I wonder if James Milner can spare me five minutes?'

The infinite wisdom of a midfielder from Aston Villa...

There are so many things to be thankful for on this Earth. The breaking sun over a mirror like sea, the smile of your child that melts your heart and the sense of pleasure true freedom brings, to name but a few. But more than even these wonderful things, the intelligence and wisdom of a Premiership footballer is perhaps the greatest gift we can ever have. Take James Milner's comments at yesterday's press conference for the England v Egypt game, for example. He said... [More]

Footballers Guardian journalists say the funniest things...

Those folk at the Guardian must know their stuff right? As proof, here's their pre-amble to the big AC Milan v Man Utd game the other night...

"Seven years to the day since he emerged from Manchester United's dressing room bearing a scar on his forehead ­accidentally inflicted by a boot launched by an infuriated Sir Alex Ferguson, David Beckham sat next to his current manager to discuss tomorrow night's Champions League rendezvous with his old mentor at San Siro, his new home. It would certainly be difficult to ­imagine a similar incident between Beckham and... [More]

Ballack shared another joke with fellow comedian Jens Lehmann...

A funny German walks into a bar...

Stereotypes - lazy clichés about a country or race usually committed by people who should probably know better. Like us. But can you blame us when Michael Ballack seems to follow them as a lifestyle choice? Take his response to Arsene Wenger's post-match protestations... [More]

Anyone missing this tart yet?

If you haven't yet stopped laughing at the fact the big greasy clart was sent off for lashing out at Malaga defender Patrick Mtiliga at the weekend, or even at this excuse that it wasn't his fault because "he's a little guy...and that meant I caught his nose by accident," then you might find his recent comments a tad chucklesome... [More]