Crazy Icelandic players 'bait' the opposition...

Back in the day, goal celebrations involved nothing more than some ugly, hairy guy  exposing his badly smashed teeth with a slight grin while his teammates slapped his back so hard that they actually seemed angry with him. None of this hugging crap, they would do their real manly celebrations over a pint of vodka or two. [More]

Paolo Di Canio vs Paul Alcock? Pah, that's nowt...

Our favourite story from the world of football this week. Big Howard Webb wouldn't have taken this shit. He'd have choked slammed him back...

"Paraguay soccer player Jose Pedroso received a 27-game ban for... [More]

Are we getting a little obsessed with World Cup adverts?

See the ad above. It's over the top, it shamelessly uses big-money endorsements from other sports, there's a distinct lack of official adidas (France) or Puma (Italy) kits, though new bed-buddies Umbro get an England cameo, it's got Ronaldinho in it despite the fact he's not going to the World Cup, and, well, it's typical Nike. But, boy is it ruddy well done.

Write the future? Nike have written theirs - they're going to make a shedload in June. The shits...

God only knows how this went in...

#14

Sol De America v Olimpia

16 May 2010

Picture the scene. You are a 36-year-old Brazilian midfielder. Your team is going to be relegated from the Paraguayan top flight unless you can somehow overcome a team that is chasing the title. The referee flags for free kick just over the halfway line, some 45-yards from goal. Do you:
[More]

Saltergate's season ticket holders were shocked at the price hike for next season...

Warning: this is batshit

Do you, like us, ever imagine what football would be like if, say, David Lynch or Terry Gilliam were allowed to direct one game a season?

No?

Well let us do it for you. We reckon it'd be set in... [More]

SPL in great game shocker!

#13

Motherwell v Hibernian

Jamie Walker's found us a beaut from the good ol' US of A...

The Toepoke Worldy; the greatest accolade we can bestow upon a footballer now that we’ve been banned from selling them fake GCSE’s in Food Technology. Sure, it won’t fit on your mantelpiece like the player of the month award, or that macaroni picture you got a gold star for the... [More]

Double-bicycle kick strikers work in tandem...

#12

Boca Juniors v Gimnasia la Plata

22nd April 2010

We humans love a good argument. Whether it be land-ownership, religion or power, there is nothing we like better than a bit of a fight. Sometimes these fights get so heated that we end up shooting each other in the face. What are we like? But the one thing we all agree on is that 'Escape to Victory' is the best film ever. Pele's over-head kick at the end of the movie is regularly voted as the best scene in film history, even better than bit in Basic Instinct when Sharon Stone reveals her growler. [More]

ToePoke in TV ad praise shocker...

Make no bones about it, your TV screens will be awash with gratuitous football tripe during the ad breaks for the next few months. No matter how tenuous the link (it's a matter of time before we get the first "Official tampon of the FIFA World Cup), every advertising agency worth their beans will be advising their clients to produce a commercial based on this summer's big hoopla in Saffa.

So it's quite refreshing to have seen at least one that doesn't... [More]

Proof that yanks still hate soccerball...

Quarter-pounders with cheese. Tipping waitresses. Paying for medical care. Hugh Laurie - Americans love each and every one of these things. As for the good old game of foota? Not so much. They might be the nation who've bought the most amount of World Cup tickets this summer, but if this chap above is anything to go by, it'll be a while yet before they... [More]