Steve Martin's successor was just as annoying. Smaller nose though...

Our camp colours correspondent Jack Rivers hearts Ashley Cole...

They say it takes a real man to be able to pull off pink. Well, in the context of the above photo, make of that saying what you will. This week, apart from trying to save his marriage, Ashley Cole will mostly be wearing a... [More]

This isn't any football panel. This is Tesco's Finest football panel...

Football fashion...with the chaps from Football Focus

Whereas most of today's elite footballing fraternity can be seen rocking poncey man bags, equally shocking designer t-shirts and the most hideously distasteful bling, it seems that the Football Focus lot are doing their best to keep things real. Problem is, keeping it real can make you look like a... [More]

Deano: cack-chic...

Football fashion...with Dean Windass

This month Deano will mostly be wearing a matching jacket and tie combo. We particularly love the jacket collar which is a tad too large for the rest of the garment, and, of course, the colour. Which can only be described as dog cack-chic. Or at least that's how we're labelling it anyway.

All-in-all, it's a great effort Deano. We look forward to its next outing.

Seen anyone else who deserves a place in the forthcoming ToePoke catalogue? Let us know here toepoke.net@gmail.com.

Series 9 of the X Factor saw Louis go all gangster...

Football fashion...with David Sullivan

Blimey, we start a feature on the strength of one dodgy Parka from Mike Phelan and suddenly everyone starts dressing like a blind man buying from the Oxfam bargain bin. Not that we should be surprised with football's most famous porn baron, David Sullivan, the... [More]

'Did I just see something move under there Mr. Camoranesi?'

Juve player manages to fool Italian customs officers yet again...

This month Juventus' Mauro Camoranesi will mostly be wearing a hat the late, great Bob Marley seemed to have put in the washing machine in error. Mauro sees this stretched woolen number as great opportunity to facilitate his two great passions in life... [More]

Waste not, want not...

Football fashion...with Manchester City's Manu Adebayor...

Far be it for us to ridicule anyone involved with the atrocity that occured in Angola recently (even if our text message inbox would suggest differently), but we couldn't help but notice the odd choice of outfit that Manchester City's, we repeat, Manchester City's Emmanuel Adebayor chose to wear for his emotional interview with Sky Sports today... [More]

Mad ferret...

Football fashion...with Mike Phelan

Tonight Mike will mostly be sporting a trooper-green Parka with wildfire lion fur, circa 1995. He compliments the look with standard-issue Manchester United red tie and white shirt.

And shiny bald head.

We're sure you'll all agree, he looks the tits.

Seen anyone else worthy of making appearance in our new Football Fashion section? Let us know here toepoke.net@gmail.com.