Tom Hanks questioned his decision to make Turner and Hooch 2...

Divine Comedy top dog Neil Hannon has a word...

He's the man behind the theme music for Father Ted and The IT Crowd, he spent last summer singing about cricket, he's just written a musical and now his band, The Divine Comedy, have released their tenth studio album. He's been so busy he missed the World Cup final. So the big question is, where did Neil Hannon find the time to speak to us? [More]

Paolo Di Canio vs Paul Alcock? Pah, that's nowt...

Our favourite story from the world of football this week. Big Howard Webb wouldn't have taken this shit. He'd have choked slammed him back...

"Paraguay soccer player Jose Pedroso received a 27-game ban for... [More]

The relaunched Vengaboys meant business this time...

That's right, another competition. We're giving prizes away like Howard Webb does yellow cards...

Richard Ashcroft eh? Not only can he write some lovely ditties, but he has cheekbones that look harder than a rhino's tusk. Not a bad combination. Which probably explains why he can name his new project the United Nations of Sound without breaking into a smirk. And who are we to mock, we called our site ToePoke. And mock we daren't, as we have copies of their brand new album just out this week to give away to five lucky readers. All you have to do is answer a very easy question, just read the blurb first... [More]

Few doubted that Steve Jobs had really nailed it this time...

Hey remember this feature? Yeah, we nearly forgot about it too...

After minute's silences, keeper shorts and half time craic we can now add these things we miss from fitbae matches... [More]

Rules: there to be broken. Now put your mouth round this...

From the safe haven of South Africa, we return to the gun-toting murderous land we call England. Oh the irony...

So there you have it. After four weeks, 64 games and a ten-hour return flight seemingly transporting half of the world's TV media and their unfeasibly large hand luggage, our stonking month in South Africa is over. Five live games in three brilliant stadiums, the majority of the rest watched at jam-packed, passion-fuelled fan fests, and a handful of local attractions visited would suggest that we'd had a ruddy good time. And you know what, we did.

But unlike the majority of the press over here... [More]

Pauli: Better than Lawro...

It's World Cup Final day! And we're backing the octopus...

The problem with going to a World Cup in a magical and distant land, is that you begin to feel a little guilty after nigh on a month doing sod all bar watching football in bars and swanky new stadiums.

So with us at ToePoke being the cultured types (who’s that laughing at the back?), we’ve spent the time since our last update doing just what Lonely Planet told us to do... [More]

That's meant to be a football pitch. Based on Wembley's surface then we're guessing...

More Dutch delight - this time in Port Liz...

"In the first half, it was so bullshit that I went outshide at half time for a schmoke. Then second half, we cut them to pieces like pork chops."

We've no idea what Hansen and co. made of Holland's shock win over Brazil on Friday, but the bruising Dutch gent (see pic below) we spoke to after the game can't have been too far off with his unique analysis. The big fella in question had... [More]

The Superman ToePoke tshirt reveal, producing gurning idiots the world over...

We’ve still got nearly two weeks to go, but these are the things we’ll be taking back to Blighty with us so far…

1. New vocabulary
We like to make an effort when visiting new countries, and so far we’ve picked up some wondrous new South African slang words. There’s a little nod to cricket when people greet you with... [More]

Singing the Dutch national anthem today...give a warm welcome to Shteve McClaren...

The sun is bright in Durban, and the future is Oranje...

Hangovers are rarely relished, but the one we woke up with yesterday following England's miserable yet sadly inevitable demise against the Germans was a particularly punishing one.

Due to the unexpected rain in Durban... [More]

ToePoke in Port Liz...

We travel back north, and recount our Port Elizabeth jaunt...

Seeing as we have a ticket for Holland v Slovenia (damn those pesky Italians), we're back in sunny Durban, meaning we'll be watching today's big England game on the beach again. Which should make a defeat on pens easier to digest.

Port Elizabeth was a blast, and if... [More]